Coming out as a Trauma Mama

So I have been inspired tonight, not in the way that one is typically inspired but inspired non-the-less by Diana.  I am naming and claiming it.  "My name is Barb and I am a Trauma Mama."  There I said it.  I usually couch it in terms of my kids having "issues" or "special needs".  While those are both true, it goes way deeper than those labels imply.  I am have a bad habit of comparing my kids to other trauma kids.  I have the honor of knowing a lot of kids from hard places and the mom's and dad's that parent them, because I am a therapist who does attachment work.  (I know, I know how do you spell glutton for punishment?  But that is a whole other post.) I know my kids are not as bad as other peoples kids but Corey said is so well when she asked "Does that mean I can't complain? Because I really need to complain."

I love my kids and they drive me CRAaAaAaAZY!  Like many of my fellow Mama's I did this a really long time before I knew what was going on.  I had way too many social workers, therapists, family, friends, bystanders in W*l*art  give their two cents most of which, though probably well intentioned, was not worth two cents!

The Eagle is charm - all the way and then some.  The boy oozes charm from every pore.  Honey flows off his tongue (to others).  To say adults who know him casually are enamored with him doesn't even come close.  People regularly stop me and tell me how wonderful, intelligent, articulate and enthusiastic he is.  It is all true.  AND  He is also ultra controlling, manipulative, chatters and argues incessantly (and even more irritatingly is really really good at it) and is explosive and aggressive when he gets mad.  But with a few exceptions no one outside our house sees that.

Guess who ends up feeling and often looking like a raving lunatic?  Ding Ding Ding - Mama!

Then we have Turtle he is without a doubt a turtle.  He is an avoider to the maximum!  He is shy, down right skittish around other adults, has severe separation anxiety, clings to his Mama, wets and soils himself regularly, shuts down and won't talk when he senses the slightest threat.  This does not make him popular with adults!  AND  He has a great sense of humor, tender heart, very loving, and is incredibly tolerant.  But with few exceptions no one outside our house sees that.

Uhh - yah raving lunatic!  

So I am coming out!  I am a Mama parenting trauma and drama!  It never ends!  I am often tired and at the end of my rope.  I am a therapist.  I should know how to do this.  I do know how to do this. I am actually really good at this!  But my kids push my buttons the way no child who does not live with you can!  So I make mistakes - lots of them.  I do things that make it worse all the time sometimes.  I have possibly  undoubtedly caused more trauma, especially in the early days.  I have followed stupid unhelpful advice from stupid untrained professionals.  I completely and totally bought into the idea that it was all me and still think that sometimes.  

Whew there it is.  That wasn't so hard now was it. UH NO BUT I HAVEN'T HIT PUBLISH YET - DUH.  So here it goes.

P.S. Tomorrow I will tell the story of why there had to be a brief interruption to this post to give the dog a bath at 11:30 at night during a blizzard - it's a riot - really :)